I’m an erotic massage parlor addict and pretty much know the Perth scene back to front. I can’t currently post any reviews as I’m new to the ol’ board so I thought I’d share some of rambling thoughts and observations.
Once you’ve learned to spot the difference between the dreaded therapeutic massage shop and an erotic massage parlor
(can’t? let me know and I’ll give you some tips) you need to work out if extras are on offer and if so, what extra’s are available.
Now I know you’re thinking “But if it’s an erotic massage parlor dickmeat, then extras, MUST be on offer?”
Thanks to petty local laws and nosy city councils many erotic massage parlors are masquerading as therapeutic massage shops to circumvent prostitution laws which for a guy just looking to get his baby sacks emptied is very fucking annoying! Due to this, it’s not always a given that extras will be offered especially if you’re a first time customer or look anything like a police officer (thankfully I’m built like a 13yo boy so I’m never troubled by that!)
If you’ve been to the massage parlor before and received a happy ending then it’s a near certainty you’ll be offered once again, there is the chance though that you’ll get a different girl and not all may offer extras.
You could ask at the massage reception if extras are offered but most girls aren’t going to say yes as other legit patrons might overhear and it’s better for them to ask you if you’d like extras in the privacy of a cubicle where you’re a slave to your erection. I tend to take my chances, personally, most of the thrill of an erotic massage is not knowing if extras are going to be offered and wondering what they will stop me from falling asleep from the relaxing rubdown.
So you’ve been led to your cubicle and the girl has told you to take off your clothes and lie down and she’ll be back soon. Once the massage starts there’s always a few signs that extras are going to be offered, here are some of the signs I’ve come across;
- The masseuse stays in the room whilst you’re getting unchanged – You’re looking pretty good for at least a handjob if this occurs. This rarely ever happens but it did to me once and because it was so unusual I actually froze and just stared at the girl. She of course just started back and demanded: “well are you going to get unchanged?” Not sure why I was so shy when the girls about to be massaging my naked body but it went against the standard massage rulebook dammit! (for the record she offered to finish me in a 69 blowjob so the awkward start was soon forgotten!)
- The masseuse takes off her own clothes – If she strips off it’s a guarantee you’ll be ejaculating at the end,
- No towel – If she doesn’t bother to cover your ass/groin with a towel then she clearly has no problems eyeballing an erection so probably can be persuaded to purge it.
- Stroking of sensitive parts – If your ass and balls are getting plenty of stroking when you’re lying on your stomach then she probably will be offering extras. This isn’t always the case though, some girls either like teasing the hell out of us or don’t realize that balls and ass send happy signals to your penis. I’ve had more then 1 massage where the girls stroked the hell out of my tender components and then when it came to the end of the massage she clapped her hands and said “Would you like a shower?” and I was just left thinking “There’s only one part of me that wants to shower someone!”
- Smiling at the sight of an erection – If you see the girl smile or compliment your erection when it comes time to turn over then extras are likely to be quoted. At least I like to think that she’s smiling at the thought of extra income…but…what if she’s actually smiling at the meager size of my manhood?…lets…let’s just move on…
If you’re not getting the “extras” vibe from your masseuse then here are a few tricks you can pull to improve your chances or make it a little more obvious that you’re up for a happy ending.
- Get Naked – Now I don’t mean as soon as you walk into the place, that’s likely to get you thrown in jail where you’ll just get massaged by a guy called Bubba…internally. Once you’re in the cubicle remove ALL your clothes, don’t leave your underwear on as it just complicates things and makes the girl think that maybe you’re one of those guys who’s just after a standard massage…yup there’s weirdo’s like that out there…hard to believe right? If the girl tells you to leave them on then, of course, you follow the rules and do so but even therapeutic places often request you to fully strip.
- Make the girl feel comfortable – Chat with your masseuse and make her feel at ease rather than lying there like a corpse. If you develop a connection then she might be more accommodating with extras at the end of the massage. Don’t get too chatty though and forget about what’s going on, sometimes I get caught up in a conversation and when it’s time to turn over I realise with horror that I haven’t even been noticing those arousal fueling strokes and don’t even have an erection which awkwardly takes us to our next point.
- Have an erection! – This point does NOT mean “turn up to the massage shop sporting an erection” as it’s going to be very awkward asking for massage details with tented pants. What I mean is…If the girl is unsure if you’re wanting a happy ending then having an erection when you turn over is a good start as it’ll show her that you’re excited and likely in need of relief.
- Make appropriate sounds – When the masseuse strokes or touches something you like then let her know with an “ahhh” , “nomnomnom” or an “ohhh” or simply tell her that feels great. Don’t go too crazy and start roaring or moaning as sound always carries in those cubicles!
- Ask her! – If all else fails and the massage is winding up and a happy ending hasn’t reared its lovely head then you may just want to ask her if she offers any extras or happy endings. It’s likely it isn’t the first time she has been asked so she hopefully won’t be offended but if she says no then drop it and chalk it up as a good massage and resign yourself to a furious masturbation session when you get home!
Next update we’ll cover “What extra’s are available and how much should I be paying” but if you have any questions then let me know.
Have a great weekend folk, the Erotic Massage Parlour Addict